August 14, 2002

You'll never catch me Zombies!

These days, everybody is a afraid of something. Well with the media hype fanning the flames of our worst fears on a daily basis, who can blame us? While I think most things that we are fearing are completely unfounded ( West Nile Virus, Shark Attacks, Razor blades, E-coli), there is one fear in the hearts of men that is more than justified....its becoming a way of life. That's right folks...I'm talking about Zombies.

Now if you ever have the opportunity, nay the privilege, to drive to my house in the wee hours of the night, you will know of what I speak. Upon leaving work at 3 am, I must travel down a 26 mile stretch of dirt and gravel, with no street lights, no homes near by, no other drivers, nothing but me and the thirst for brains looming in the air. At first, I thought it was my over active imagination playing games with me, after all, I often see dinosaurs waving to me on this road too.

One night im cruising in my 94' down what I like to call "Zombie Highway" at a mind bending speed of 60 mph when I come up over one of the many hills. At first I thought I was staring down a Tyrannosauruses Rex, but it wasn't wearing a hat like normal and was too small. As I'm speeding closer, I see a human form appear, attempting to flag me down, but I know better. So the zombie decides that the only way to MAKE me stop is to step directly in the path of my car. Even if I wanted to stop, It would have taken me a mile due the gravel/sand/banana peel mixture that they use on that road. So at the last minute the zombie and I lock eyes and he knows that I will not go easy into that dark night, so he moves and lets me fly by, there by letting me pummel him with gravel being brought up by my tires. I roll down my window and scream " NOT TONIGHT ZOMBIE!!!! NICE TRY THOUGH!!!! SUCKER!"

Down the road I see a broken down car with its hazards on. Boy...that zombie is going to have a loooonnggg walk. *snicker*

August 13, 2002

One of my favorite archived posts...about parents who brag too much..

You know, she forgot to mention one more thing. Kalya was conceived in Chernobyl. Here are some of the missing excerpts from her "original" post...

"When she was 3 mos, she bent a spoon with her mind. At 4 mos she grew a third eye which only I can see. At 5 mos she grew to 18 stories high and eats power lines for fuel. At 6 months she contacted life on another planet by fuseing her Easy Bake Oven (which she cooks Ramen on) and her Speak and Spell. At 7 mos she learned how to perform brain surgery on our cat and now "mittens" speaks 17 different languages."
Advice to a dear friend....

you know what would be really really lucky?

Naming your baby Amber, or some derivitive of.

*I hear that ALL Ambers grow up to be multi milionaires and support thier parents.
* Ambers have the highest success rate in the stock market.
*All champions of the National Domino Gaming convention have been "Ambers"
*Did you know that McGuyver in episode #231 he used a coconut, duct tape, nose hairs and a girl named Amber to make a Nuclear Bomb?
* If you rub 2 Ambers together you can start a fire.
*If a Amber looks in the mirror..she cant see her own reflection. She also craves blood.

August 12, 2002

From Bootyyy's mouth to your eyes...

Here is more useless knowledge!

Did you know that Bootyyy's ass is made of 50% lard, 10% popcicle sticks, 10% robot feet, 10% cheese puffs, 10% High fructose corn syrup, 5% rat feces and 5% windex.

its true!

See, it's this shit that cracks us up, B!!!

Here we go!

This is Bootyyy's Blog. She a crazy-ass friend of mine and will delight you with her ping-pong ball tricks and raunchy humour!